The Comedy of Romeo and Juliet
by PsychoIdiotLady
Summary: We all know the Balcony Scene had some questionable instances. Here they are, bared for all to see!


_**The Comedy of Romeo and Juliet**_

[Juan Luis Guerra "Medicine for My Soul" playing quietly in background.]

[**Romeo**, dressed as a ninja, hides behind a tree that is home to a wasp nest.]

[**Juliet**, dressed in a sheer nightgown, can be heard mumbling to herself- this mumbling has been going on for an hour already.]

[Xandria "Beware" begins to play in background.]

**Juliet**

[Loudly.] And for that name, which is no part of thee, [**Juliet** adopts a sinister smirk and uses a knife to carve a black magic rune into balcony railing.] take all myself!

[Juan Luis Guerra "Amores" begins to play in background.]

[**Romeo** steps out under the branches of the tree, revealing himself to **Juliet**, who can't see him because it is dark.]

**Romeo**

[Starts softly, lips spreading into a stupid grin.] I take thee at thy word!

[Wasp nest falls on **Romeo**, who screams and tries to karate-chop wasps into oblivion.]

[**Juliet** screams, throws her knife out into the darkness, stumbles backwards, trips over a rock, curses lividly under her breath as she falls and lands on her tailbone, and shrieks in pain.]

**Juliet**

[Angrily.] What man art thou? [Scrambles back into standing position.]

**Romeo**

[Begins to cry since **Juliet**'s knife damaged his brand new haircut, pulls himself together, and speaks confidently.] My name [Thinks back to his family tree.] is hateful to myself. [Looks up at **Juliet**.]

**Juliet**

[Places sleeve over black magic rune, rolls eyes, and speaks in unimpressed, deadpan voice.] **Romeo** Montague.

[Music stops.]

[**Romeo** hides as Capulet guards come marching around the corner singing "Soldier Boy". **Juliet** winks at a specific guard who has wandering eyes.]

[**Romeo** reappears.]

**Juliet**

If any of my kinsmen find thee here— [**Romeo** cuts her off.]

**Romeo**

[Spreads arms.] Thy kinsmen are no stop to me!

[**Juliet**, angry at being cut off, throws her shoe at **Romeo**, hitting him in the head and causing further damage to his hair.]

**Juliet**

[Growling.] If they do see thee they will murder thee.

[Pirates of the Caribbean theme begins to play in the background.]

**Romeo**

[Mistaking her words for concern, he responds in a soothing voice.] My life were better ended by their hate than death prolonged, wanting of thy love.

**Juliet**

By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

**Romeo**

[Kneels.] By love! [**Juliet** snorts.] He lent me counsel and I… [**Romeo** takes out the book "How to Pick Up Chicks" by William Shakespeare, flips through until he comes to a bookmarked page. Meanwhile, **Juliet** has taken new interest in her black magic rune.] … lent him eyes!

["Angel of Darkness" begins to play in the background.]

**Juliet**

[Nods sagely.] Dost though love me? I know thou wilt say "ay," and I will take thy word. Yet if thou swear'st thou mayst prove false.

[**Romeo** looks around for references, then becomes excited, almost jumping up and down.]

**Romeo**

By yonder blessed moon I vow—[Cut off by **Juliet**.]

**Juliet**

Swear not by the moon, that monthly changes in her circle orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

**Romeo**

[Pondering.] What shall I swear by?

[**Juliet** points at **Romeo** with a sharpened nail and raises her eyebrows.]

**Juliet**

Swear by thy self, and I'll believe thee.

**Romeo**

If my heart's dear love… [**Romeo** does not notice as **Juliet** whispers black magic incantation that matches her black magic rune as he swears, binding him to her forever.]

**Juliet**

[Suddenly.] Good night, good night!

[**Juliet** exits balcony, slamming the balcony doors loudly in the night.]

**Romeo**

[Stunned.] Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

[Waits ten minutes for **Juliet** to come back out.]

**Romeo**

[Forcefully optimistic.] Sleep dwell upon thine eyes! Hence will I to my ghostly cell.

[**Romeo** tries to exit.]

[No matter what he tries, **Romeo** cannot leave the Capulet mansion, as if something is keeping him there.]

[**Romeo** decides he's okay with never leaving the Capulet mansion.]

[We hear **Juliet**'s evil laughter filling the night.]

_~fin~_


End file.
